Mother’s Day: not always easy

To Be Told team chapters

Several years back, I worked for Examiner as the Atlanta Adoptive Families writer. In one article, I shared my thoughts and feelings about Mother’s Day, particularly as a woman who spent years waiting and wishing to become a mom. And since American Mother’s Day is this Sunday, I thought I would share the [slightly edited] text of the article below. You can read the original post HERE.

BoysandMeMother’s Day. A day to focus on the women who raised us. A day to honor them, to make them feel special, to show appreciation and to celebrate.
But I have to admit that for a number of years, I avoided Mother’s Day like a plague. I was perfectly content to remain holed up in my house, blinds closed, eating chocolate and waiting for the day to be over.

It was not because of my mother, or my grandmother, or great-grandmother: all ladies who loved and raised me well.

No, the fact is I dreaded Mother’s Day because I so deeply wanted to be a mother. And I wasn’t. For me, Mother’s Day served as a harsh reality check.

You see, my dream wasn’t to be pregnant. My vision had nothing to do with maternity clothes. I battle my weight enough as it is, thank you very much.

I wasn’t one to “ooh” and “aah” over newborn garments. I never longed to go through the birth process.

No, my dream was to be a mom. To wear the hat of cheerleader, chef, housekeeper, chauffer, referee, nurse, and general multi-tasker. I longed to put our child to bed, read him a story, sing him a song, say prayers together, and tuck him in.

I looked forward to nights of being frazzled and exhausted, realizing that I didn’t get half the things done that I intended to… but happy knowing that I spent time with my children instead.
I dreamt of teaching my child new things, watching him learn, and taking him new places. I longed to fix his boo-boos, calm his fears, and wipe away tears. I couldn’t wait to tickle him and hug him, and remind him over and over that I love him.

My dream wasn’t tied around the idea of a baby. My dream was to be a mom. In late 2007, that dream finally came true. And in 2010 I became mommy for a second time.

IMG_4044Ours was not the traditional, baby-in-a-bassinet start. It involved traveling half way across the world, trying to learn a new language, and many other things.
But when it comes to being a mom, it’s really not about the way it happens.
Just a few years ago, Mother’s Day was tough for me. But I look at it now with delight and excitement. I look at my two boys, growing all too quickly, and I’m thankful. The waiting was hard, but in the end, it was worth it.
I share all of this so that you might consider those ladies in your life that might be struggling this time of year.
Perhaps infertility haunts her. Maybe she is stuck in the seemingly endless paperwork of adoption. Maybe she has lost a child. Or maybe she is in the midst of a difficult relationship with her child.
Whatever the struggle, it’s likely not an easy day for her.

On a day like Mother’s Day, extra attention in the form of hugs or conversation might be the opposite of what she desires. But you could take the time to buy a card, write a thoughtful note, send some flowers, or give her a give certificate for a spa service. Find a way to let her know you care.


Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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